It's Personal...

Count Arioch the 28th · Tue Dec 28, 2010 10:51 pm

Sometimes, I wonder if "success" is only for rich people, and if I'm just wasting my time trying to better myself. I'm just getting weary of putting forth every waking hour into improving myself and getting looked down on, being called lazy, being spit on. And every time I even think about getting angry about my lot in life, overprivileged people who have never worked a goddamn day in their life crawl out of the woodwork and lecture me that I would stop being poor if I "got off my ass and worked".

I'm starting to wonder why I bother trying to finish college and better myself, because I still have all the ghetto mannerisms, I don't have culture or breeding or connections. Because I might become a better, more educated person, but I don't see how I can ever get to the point where I'm not poor. And as my relationship becomes more concrete, I'm wondering how I can justify bringing another child into poverty when I myself wish I wasn't even born?

CatharzGodfoot · Post by **CatharzGodfoot** » Wed Dec 29, 2010 1:59 am

Success isn't just for rich people. My wife came from a poor-as-fuck family, and now she's supporting me (from an upper-middle class family) and two cats on a graduate student stipend while she works towards a PhD in genetics. She's thinking of stopping at a Master's and getting a cushy job at some biotech company here in the Research Triangle, or possibly working for the FDA.

It's kind of funny how being poor makes it easier to pay for college than being middle class does. She managed to graduate without taking out a single loan or working part-time, all because she was a good student and her family had no money. If you're really that poor, there should be scholarships that will help you get through the rest of college with less stress.

But the thing is, Count, you actually need to be working towards a goal that will make you money. From experience, a B.S. degree doesn't mean shit unless you have a very clear idea of what you are going to do with it (and it has to be realistic). Being 'educated' alone won't take you far unless you're very glib.

And please don't inflict you self-hate on your loved ones without some sort of unambiguous warning. Both me and my wife suffer from major depression, which can make things really rough at times, but at least we knew what we were getting into. You can't justify bringing another child into poverty unless you've justified it with the person you're bringing the child into poverty with!

Datawolf · Post by **Datawolf** » Thu Dec 30, 2010 6:37 pm

Catharz is right. By all means I should own half the fucking universe by now but I have no passions or directions in life which is why I suck.

DISCLAIMER: There is no irony in this post.

Prak · Post by **Prak** » Thu Dec 30, 2010 8:23 pm

Count Arioch the 28th wrote:Sometimes, I wonder if "success" is only for rich people, and if I'm just wasting my time trying to better myself. I'm just getting weary of putting forth every waking hour into improving myself and getting looked down on, being called lazy, being spit on. And every time I even think about getting angry about my lot in life, overprivileged people who have never worked a goddamn day in their life crawl out of the woodwork and lecture me that I would stop being poor if I "got off my ass and worked".

I'm starting to wonder why I bother trying to finish college and better myself, because I still have all the ghetto mannerisms, I don't have culture or breeding or connections. Because I might become a better, more educated person, but I don't see how I can ever get to the point where I'm not poor. And as my relationship becomes more concrete, I'm wondering how I can justify bringing another child into poverty when I myself wish I wasn't even born?

Become Alan Moore. Burly dude, long hair, came from shit and can't seem to crawl out, you're like two thirds there.

ubernoob · Post by **ubernoob** » Thu Dec 30, 2010 8:49 pm

Count Arioch the 28th · Fri Dec 31, 2010 1:09 am

CatharzGodfoot wrote: It's kind of funny how being poor makes it easier to pay for college than being middle class does. She managed to graduate without taking out a single loan or working part-time, all because she was a good student and her family had no money. If you're really that poor, there should be scholarships that will help you get through the rest of college with less stress.

Would she have any advice about the financing situation? I can manage to get enough financial aid to pay for tuition, but when I'm going to college I have issues with paying bills. Tuition is paid for by need alone, but the opportunity costs of being in college and dealing with reduced hours is what's killing me.

A problem with my situation is I am only a mediocre student (my GPA is sitting at 3.38 after last semester. Good, but not really good enough for merit awards.)

Also, would she (or anyone really) have any advice about where to go for good guidance council? Both the junior college I go to and the college I wanted to transfer to gave me contradictory information. So I followed the info the college I was going to transfer to gave me. Seems that the guidance office was lying to me and I am not eligible to transfer because I'm missing classes they didn't tell me I needed. (They told me that if I wanted a chem degree I needed 200 level econ courses. It seems that was wrong, I didn't need econ. but I did need Physics which they neglected to tell me about).

So yeah, really what I am frustrated with is that I'm trying to play the goddamn game and no one wants to tell me the rules. I know I want to teach when I get done. I just have no idea how to get there and I don't know where to go for information that hasn't already lied to me in some capacity.

CatharzGodfoot · Post by **CatharzGodfoot** » Fri Dec 31, 2010 2:37 am

My wife's advice for paying cost-of-living is to apply for a work study job. These also tend to be need-based, so one shouldn't be too hard to land. Your best is to work in the library; most of the time you'll be sitting around with nothing to do, which gives plenty of time to do homework.

As for the transfer issue, try to consolidate all of your correspondence, including the erroneous information. If you can show directly to the admissions councilors that they screwed you over, they'll probably be more amenable to bending the rules. In college, rule-bending is pretty much the only way anyone ever graduates.

If you can, figure out which admissions people are willing to help you. If you get conflicting information from two sources, try to find a third. Try to find someone who will actually be on your side, most of the time you'll be able to find someone. Worse case, try to make up the necessary classes, but you might be able to transfer based on the promise that you'll take the needed classes (possibly as summer classes or something).

Good luck.

Maj · Post by **Maj** » Tue Jan 04, 2011 7:37 am

So one of Ess' clients has been paying the wrong amount. Turns out we're owed an additional $120. That's way cool.

Also, Ess' office chair completely fell apart. Like crazy catapulting people into the floor kind of falling apart. Today, we hit the State's surplus warehouse and found a much sturdier, more comfortable, and awesome chair for... $1.

I was also able to trade my Target gift card for its face value in cash. That will enable me to get a new set of headphones!!!

Sometimes it's the little victories that really make your day. I'm pretty grateful for them today.

Meikle641 · Post by **Meikle641** » Tue Jan 04, 2011 8:07 am

I managed to finally feed myself with chopsticks today. First time I tried them was two years ago (and failed miserably), but managed to do it right 3/5 to 4/5 of the times I went for food. I feel somewhat proud.

Also, I finally start work again on Wednesday. This three week layoff was fucking annoying. I'll be glad to have cashflow again.

K · Post by K » Tue Jan 04, 2011 8:15 am

The thing to remember is that everyone in a school office is a fucking moron. Financial aid, admissions, whatever. Doesn't even matter what kind of school as I've found them in a T2 Law school, a UC, and a community college. Trust no one.

Second: Everything worth doing has lots of obstacles. That's just how it goes. Frank had to go to a post-communist, wild-west nation to become a doctor, and I had to live in the woods like an animal to get my BA. Our stories are not unique.

Third: lots of people have it easier. Lots have it worse. Focus on your own crap and expect success to take years. Find some measure of happiness in the meantime.

Sermon over. Hope it helps.

Doom · Post by **Doom** » Tue Jan 04, 2011 5:35 pm

Good sermon, very accurate assessment.

Blasted · Post by **Blasted** » Wed Jan 05, 2011 9:47 am

Count Arioch the 28th wrote:Sometimes, I wonder if "success" is only for rich people, and if I'm just wasting my time trying to better myself.

I try to avoid preaching, but you may find these interesting:
http://youarenotsosmart.com/2010/06/07/ ... d-fallacy/
Yes, life may suck for no appreciable good reason, but avoid not doing anything.
http://youarenotsosmart.com/2009/11/11/ ... plessness/

The just world theory in particular really gets my goat.

Maj · Post by **Maj** » Thu Jan 06, 2011 6:19 am

Blasted wrote:The just world theory in particular really gets my goat.

(Note: YouAreNotSoSmart is an awesome website.)

Dealing with my dad can sometimes be difficult because of the Just World Fallacy.

In my dad's world, if you work hard, you will succeed. And if you succeed, you have a house, a car, comfortable amounts of spending money, and a job with the same company for the rest of your life that will pay you retirement benefits.

We only have one of those. And because we only have one of those, we are not succeeding. And because we are not succeeding, my father assumes - because it's implied in his belief - we are not working hard.

It's infuriating.

RobbyPants · Post by **RobbyPants** » Thu Jan 06, 2011 1:24 pm

I forwarded those two articles to a cousin of mine. He has made some bad decisions in his life, but he's also been knocked down a bit by outside stuff. I'm hoping he takes the right message from those and not the wrong one!

Count Arioch the 28th · Sat Jan 08, 2011 4:38 pm

Maj wrote:
Blasted wrote:The just world theory in particular really gets my goat.
(Note: YouAreNotSoSmart is an awesome website.)

Dealing with my dad can sometimes be difficult because of the Just World Fallacy.

In my dad's world, if you work hard, you will succeed. And if you succeed, you have a house, a car, comfortable amounts of spending money, and a job with the same company for the rest of your life that will pay you retirement benefits.

We only have one of those. And because we only have one of those, we are not succeeding. And because we are not succeeding, my father assumes - because it's implied in his belief - we are not working hard.

It's infuriating.

That is most of my problem. I'm tired of being spit on and being told that I'm lazy and that I'm not working hard by people who had everything handed to them. I can deal with barely getting by, I'm just tired of people looking down their noses at me.

Maj · Post by **Maj** » Wed Jan 12, 2011 7:25 am

So a 3.0 psionic class I made back in 2003 got resurrected. I wonder how stuff like that gets found...?

Also, I was sorting through some stuff that's been hidden in boxes for a while, and realized that Ess and I have a really cool sword collection. We took them down when we got a sofa a few years back (because the only free wall was right above the sofa and we live in an earthquake zone), but they never went back up when the sofa left.

But they should go back up. They're cool.

Sarandosil · Post by **Sarandosil** » Wed Jan 12, 2011 9:16 am

http://youarenotsosmart.com/2010/02/10/placebo-buttons/

This one's funny. I've always ignored the close door button and the sidewalk buttons because I never noticed them doing anything. At least I know I'm not crazy now.

Maxus · Post by **Maxus** » Wed Jan 12, 2011 9:26 am

Actually, the close door button does have a use.

I understand just about any elevator can be locked off so the doors won't close and it won't make stops along the way. When it's like this, you have to press the floor you want, and then the "Close door" button for the elevator to actually work.

Details may vary, but that's how the ones at work operate when locked off.

I know this because I mop floors at work and get an elevator to keep the +3 Yellow Signs of Ass-covering and mop bucket and broom and all that in.

--From the Secret Knowledge of the Almighty Janitor.

mean_liar · Post by **mean_liar** » Wed Jan 12, 2011 11:04 am

Ha! Here's one on why The Gaming Den ruins gaming:

http://youarenotsosmart.com/2010/05/26/ ... ospection/

CatharzGodfoot · Post by **CatharzGodfoot** » Wed Jan 12, 2011 4:08 pm

mean_liar wrote:Ha! Here's one on why The Gaming Den ruins gaming:

http://youarenotsosmart.com/2010/05/26/ ... ospection/

That's great, although methinks he makes the case too strong. There are people who didn't like Titanic[/i] when it came out and still don't.

Similar studies have shown that people who make split-second purchases without introspection end up happier with their purchases than those who were more methodical, but studies has also shown that people more prone to introspection tend to be more depressed and more realistic.

It's possible that, in some cases, a lack of satisfaction is due to continuing critique and questioning. Perhaps the request for justification influenced participants to continue analyzing their choices long after they had been made, and it was this long-term introspection that resulted in lower satisfaction (and maybe even greater honesty).

Then again, my post-hoc rationalization doesn't really explain why the kitten poster tended to be chosen more by the 'introspective' group and the alcoholic poster by the 'unthinking' group.

Draco_Argentum · Post by **Draco_Argentum** » Thu Jan 13, 2011 1:15 am

With a little art training people can start talking about composition and colour choices. Putting words to likes and dislikes. Getting some randoms who have never tried to use language for a certain purpose obviously results in them being unable to do so well. Trying to make them apparently has the result that they go for something they can explain in words.

mean_liar · Post by **mean_liar** » Thu Jan 13, 2011 2:08 am

But what if you hate Impressionism?

Psychic Robot · Post by **Psychic Robot** » Sun Jan 16, 2011 11:04 pm

Interesting conversation with the family tonight. They're all pretty staunch Republicans (except my brother who is still at the age when he doesn't really know what he believes). I don't remember how the conversation started out, but I remarked that the Baby Boomers were the most selfish generation, the "me" generation, and they were bankrupting our country by cutting taxes and increasing government spending. I criticized Reagan for being a dickbag about this and trying to hide the deficit by raising payroll taxes. This meant that I was some kind of Obama-lovin' Democrat. Thus, I said that Obama sucked, but Reagan was one of the largest sources of the American demise with his free trade, pro-outsourcing, pro-insourcing policies. (I was apparently reading some kind of liberal book and not quoting Arthur Laffer directly on this.)

The conversation turned to Clinton's NAFTA as being part of the cause of outsourcing (to which I agreed), and I commented that Clinton was a douchebag despite presiding over a long period of economic growth. I then reiterated that Reagan supported outsourcing to countries without pesky labor and environmental regulations. At some point, my father snorted something about how well Obama was(n't) doing, and I told him that I didn't like Obama, and I said that all Democrats and Republicans were corrupt. During this exchange, I talked about how the Republican push to extend Bush-era tax cuts wasn't helping the national debt because those tax cuts were written to expire because they were unsustainable with government spending, and my dad started harumphing in a manner of an old Republican codger about the government taxing 50% of their income. Pointing out that Obama wanted to raise taxes on people making over $250,000 and not middle class Americans (though there are small business owners in this bracket, but that's another story for another time) meant I was a RINO.

The conversation wound down with my parents declaring that they had lived through Carter and Reagan and so they knew what they were talking about, oh, and Reagan had a backbone, unlike Obama kowtowing to Middle Eastern dictators. To which I replied that they only thought Reagan's policies were good because they didn't realize their longterm consequences.

Eventually, when I reiterated that Democrats and Republicans were corrupt and useless, my mother became concerned that I was going to shoot people because of my non-mainstream political beliefs. Later, my father called me Karl Marx.

This conversation gives me a wat.

Neeeek · Post by **Neeeek** » Sun Jan 16, 2011 11:47 pm

Maj wrote:
Dealing with my dad can sometimes be difficult because of the Just World Fallacy.

In my dad's world, if you work hard, you will succeed. And if you succeed, you have a house, a car, comfortable amounts of spending money, and a job with the same company for the rest of your life that will pay you retirement benefits.

We only have one of those. And because we only have one of those, we are not succeeding. And because we are not succeeding, my father assumes - because it's implied in his belief - we are not working hard.

It's infuriating.

I always wonder how people like this explain recessions. Do they think that there were double the number of people who weren't working hard in 2009 versus 2008?

Maj · Post by **Maj** » Mon Jan 17, 2011 5:47 am

Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek wrote:I always wonder how people like this explain recessions. Do they think that there were double the number of people who weren't working hard in 2009 versus 2008?

Well, they were dumb enough to take out mortgages that they couldn't repay.